today i finished blue like jazz for the second time: my first time being two summers ago. i'm not much of a writer, nor have i ever been very good at book reports. (got a D once reporting on to kill a mockingbird, or was it the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe? regardless, i got a D.) therefore, my thoughts on blue like jazz are going to be just that, thoughts. i love the way that donald miller writes. i feel like he is telling me his story, his heart, and his mind without making me feel like he is breathing down my neck or sugar coating any idea about God. it's really refreshing to have someone be so real about their struggles and their experiences with God. i guess i want to be just as transparent with people about my own life. i want people to realize that i am just a sinner, who is loved by a great God, and who is trying my darnedest to love people the way i am so undeservingly loved. (by the way, i stink at this loving stuff ... all the time. just ask anyone who knows me.)
in the book, don talks about love. one of my favorite quotes says,
"i loved the fact that it wasn't my responsibility to change somebody, that it was God's, that my part was just to communicate love and approval."
he goes onto say in the next paragraph:
"the Bible says that if you talk to somebody with your mouth, and your heart does not love them, that you are like a person standing there smashing two cymbals together. You are only annoying everybody around you."
also, and i love this so much:
"... instead of withholding love to change somebody, i poured it on, lavishly. i hoped that love would work like a magnet, pulling people from the mire and toward healing. i knew this was the way God loved me. God had never withheld love to teach me a lesson."
i am constantly learning new things about God. i know i have zero figured out, but i figure seeking and wondering is better than not seeking or wondering.
there is such a part of me that doesn't understand any of this God stuff still. i've heard about it all my life, no joke, and it still messes me up and sends me to weird places every now and again. in blj, don talks about how he fell in love with Jesus again by reading the Gospels (matt., mark, luke, and john). during the easter season, i read all four accounts of the days prior, the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. it changed me. moved something inside of me. i feel as though that was the time i fell in love with Jesus again. have i been perfect? no. have i sucked at "christianity" since then? yes. has my heart for Jesus changed? no.
i wonder if this is part of the puzzle to really loving Him. being completely aware of my faults, my doubts, my bad areas, but submitting them to Him because He is the only one who can bring me life.
i just want to love people like i am loved. i just want to show people that God is real because He is real to me. i just want to be a little part of something grand, step outside of myself for a change.
i thank God for the words he gave donald miller. blue like jazz is a great book, and i totally recommend it to every person, believer or not. it's worth reading, just to get a different perspective of God and hear someone talk about their journey getting to Him.
my heart is to understand love the way that Jesus showed it/gives it. this world, my world and heart would be a better place if this love could be shown as abundantly.
