hard letter to write.

when being called by the Lord to do something hard, my initial reaction is to run the other way. i hate to be put in a situation where i have to make a hard decision or am faced with an ultimatum. the ultimatum i have been faced with recently is live in the will of the Lord, not my own, or be unhappy and defeated daily. it seems like a pretty easy decision to make, but i just wish it was more simple.

today i did something to help with the call God has on my heart right now. i wrote a letter to someone that will basically change our whole relationship, and unlike him, i feel like i am actually the one ending what he started to end. i just can't be two different people anymore. i refuse. easter started with the excitement of the Lord, and ended with me tossing and turning because i couldn't believe that i had grieved the heart of The One who saved me. i want to turn a complete 180, but i am choosing the flesh way too often. i know that Jesus loves me more than anything, but i want so badly to love him more every day. i just can't live as two different people.

i want the people who say they love me to know that i am falling in love with the only man who will ever know how to love me correctly - Jesus Christ. it is a love relationship that will last for my entire life, and i am excited about it. tough decisions will probably happen daily, or hourly, but i know that i can always turn to Him and there will be love.

i love you (all) very much. thanks for being patient with me.