bus or bicycle?

i've decided that i am going to type out my feelings each day for the this entire week. not sure why, maybe as a cleansing process or something. so, this is day #2 of me getting all the stuff in my head ... out.  

i am not really sure where we stand.  i feel like i was on the girlfriend bus, now i am on the friend bus, but the friend bus isn't really a bus, more like a bicycle.  i guess i shouldn't be surprised, nor expect anymore from the situation, but it just irritates me a tad.  and, to be honest, i am not even sure being on the friend bus is a good idea in the first place.  i think that i feel like if we were friends for real, i would be selfishly thinking in the back of my head about the "what ifs". 

ugh, i hate every thing about breaking up with someone. it never really works out right away, there is pain, and it sucks when you think about all the great times that are just ... gone.  i told myself a long time ago that regrets are ridiculous because every experience shapes who i am, and i can't be mad at my experiences.  things are how they are.  life is not over.  my identity is not in that person.  i was whitney before this relationship, and i am still whitney now that it is over.  i am a little damaged, but my heart will heal.  it always does.  

am i a better person for knowing him? for being in this situation? for learning from all the bad times?  you better believe it!  i would not change anything about anything.  well, other than having my love/best friend gone, my heart broken, and the future being eerily open. 

i love certainties.  but life isn't about certainties.  i guess it's about the uncertainties that get placed in front of you and how you deal with them.  

so, the question is: how am i going to deal with this one?  hmmm.