... crazy little thing called love.

why does someone tell you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to their life, yet they don't want to be with you anymore?

it just boggles my mind. i am seriously trying to wrap my mind around that concept, but i cannot figure it out.  

i was happy.

i was myself. 

i put my heart into it. 

i loved. 

i tried to step out of my same old ways and grow. 

i had fun.

i laughed ... a lot.

i was giving.

i hoped ... maybe a little too much.

all of these things are good, and i did so much more, yet i cannot figure out why i am the one who gets shoved off.  maybe i am meant to have helped, not to have exactly what i want. so many maybes, it makes my head spin. 

i just want to be in a relationship with someone who does not need, and i don't want to need anything either.  i just want to have a good time. do silly stuff together. laugh, a hell of a lot.  fight, but talk things out like adults, and make up. spend time doing mutually fun activities. go on road trips just because. do stuff like .... eat take-out chinese food and play scrabble 'til midnight. just be happy.  

i thought we were happy. i thought we were on the same page. i guess i assumed a whole lot.  i find myself still wanting to be back in it. to be happy again with him.  and not to be too forward or bold or future minded, but i feel like we were made for each other. (whoa, you might be thinking, but i am positive that we were made to be in each others lives. maybe for one year or maybe more. i'm not sure. but it is true.)

who knows what the future holds for my life. i am figuring out what i need and what i want. love is always around us, it is in songs, movies, tv, billboards, etc. it slaps you in the face before you can turn your face away or plug your ears. so, forgive me if i can't keep my mind off of it for an hour or a day or a week. i am just trying to figure it all out ... this crazy little thing called love.