just one of them days...

today, and yesterday, is one of those days. the kind of day when you don't feel like getting out of bed, except to drive to mcdonald's and get something crappy to eat. these days suck.

i feel like this spring break has been good and bad. i had some good days and some bad days. more good than bad, thankfully. i got a lot of good "me" time in and that was rewarding, but combined with the other days, it seemed like all the good times got cancelled out. well, maybe i shouldn't be that dramatic. i did have a good spring break. i am satisfied with that.

have you ever seen the movie Failure To Launch, with Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew McConaughey? Matthew's character makes bad decision after bad decision when it comes to being in relationships with women; he tries to destroy every good relationship that he has because he is scared, or something to that affect. i feel like that is where my life is. like i am not one with nature, like i keep getting crapped on by the universe, and it is all because some guy decided that he didn't want to be in a good thing anymore. i feel like the universe keeps putting us together, and he can't handle it, but yet i am the one that keeps getting shat on.

i just want the necessary steps or rules or guidelines to the correct way to handle my life right now. i want to know if i should run away and never look back or if i should be patient. i just need a clear cut path with a sign that says, 'go that way because you won't be sorry'.

i really don't know how he handles it. i guess he has a stronger, or more callous, heart than i do. i feel very deeply about things. i don't think that is a bad quality to have, but it makes this process very difficult for me. i've got to make a change. but first, i've got to really want to. that's going to be the hardest part. |sigh|

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