torn like cheap linen.

so i've already turned off my alarm, and it is way too cold to get out of bed, so i've decided to give ya a little update on the heart of whitney while i procrastinate the getting up process.

today's feelings:

- i'm feeling like he is a big fool for walking away.

- i'm feeling angry that i am being treated like i did this all to myself. (almost like a "no wonder..." type thing.)

- i'm feeling like being myself throughout this whole process is the key to healthy growth.

- i'm feeling that if i remain myself, i will have no room to regret decisions that i made along the way.

- i'm feeling like i must be the most unhealthy, brokenhearted individual because just the thought and beginning processes of letting go tears me up like cheap linen.

- i'm feeling like crying for things lost doesn't help to bring them back.

- i'm feeling like everyone else has the words and the answers that i can't muster up inside my head, even if i wanted to.

- i'm feeling like 'why me?'.

- i'm feeling like i seriously need to see some sort of illumination on a path here in the direct future, please.

- i'm feeling like i hate every bit of how i feel at this very moment: sad, broken, hurt, ridiculous, ...

- i'm feeling that if anyone judges me for still being in this place: 1. they don't know me enough, obviously; 2. they don't know how utterly, unabashedly, and unfortunately in-love with him that i am.

...

i can sit here all day and type emotion after emotion, and thought after thought, but i must finally get out of this warm bed and dark room and live this day. a reckon a flower would never grow in a dark room with no food. hmm. (i just had a tiny 'a-ha' moment.) so, if you are concerned for me after reading this, just wait on me and keep being my friend (thank you for being my friend), i am going to join the human-race again eventually. until then, ... you're stuck with emotional whitney. au revoir.